With Ita being sick and me going into panics, my mom is getting worried about me and kids.

How is this related?

I've been pretty ambivalent about the idea of having children.

1. I've never really felt the maternal urge, and still wonder if this will kick in once we have kids of our own.
2. I have this terrible fear of people (and animals) I care about getting sick and dying. Thankfully none of my immediate family has died yet or has been very sick, but I spend endless nights awake worrying about this. When my pets die I feel very very distraught.

Mom thinks that if I go through a lot of health-related stress, I may get totally discouraged from having kids. She always tells me that sickness is not normal and I shouldn't walk around waiting for someone to get sick or die. I don't know. I'm not that convinced.
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My mom went through a lot of heartache when I was a kid. You wouldn't think it now, but I was terribly delicate. Primary-stage tuberculosis, bad gas pains, convulsions, bad eyesight, and the bad luck to have a doctor who precribed medicines that made my teeth melt (I went though my childhood having melted stumps for teeth).

I think the convulsions were the worst for mom. I had them when I was about 1 1/2, with the first bunch happening the day after my aunt's 18th birthday. The entire family was in my lolo and lola's room and I was playing with a bunch of keys while sitting on my grandmothers stomach. I suddenly dropped onto her tummy, and after a while lola got curious about why I wasn't moving and lifted me up. My face was purple. Everyone freaked. Lolo poked his finger into my mouth thinking I had swallowed the keys. Lola and mom started screaming. Tito Edgar jumped over our fence, into our neighbors yard (12 feet below ours) went through their gate and ran for the doctor. Pa ran around not knowing what to do.

It turns out I was allergic to one of the drugs my pediatrician prescribed for my upset stomach, and a larger dosage was prescribed to boot. Lolo actually saved my life when he stuck his finger in my mouth, because he punctured my glottis which was closing shut. He got a bad infection (rabies? heeh)

I had convulsions for the next 2 weeks. Mom was so stressed because everytime she went near me I would start to convulse. She just kept weeping. I was the 1st child, 1st apo. I think everyone was devastated.

I went through regular EEG's until I was 18, and thankfully the attacks didn't recur, but mom tells the story like everything is fresh in her mind. She's still a bit more paranoid about me, especially when I get into my tempers --- because the doctors advised her to keep me from getting overly emotional, because I shouldn't be mentally stressed. But I guess I outgrew them na rin....if not, with my stress levels in the past years I would definitely have gotten a major attack.

I think if I were in her place I would not have recovered. I'm a sissy when it comes to those things, and I am not proud of it.

This entry was posted on 4/17/2005 at 4/17/2005 08:28:00 am. You can skip to the end and leave a response.